From the District Training:
Safe & Loved Schools

I was presenting at a police department.

During a break, I watched a young police officer walk up to another cop who was sitting down, scrolling on his phone. 

This cop was much older, bigger, and definitely more seasoned.
He had been around for a long time. 

The younger cop stuck his thumbs inside his pants pockets and waited for the older cop to look up. When he did, the younger cop said, plainly, “I need to have a courageous conversation with you.” 

The older cop furrowed his brow and let his phone drop to the desk, giving him permission to say what he wanted to say. 

“You need to wear your vest. It can save your life.” 

The older cop slowly nodded his head.
The younger cop sort of shrugged his shoulders as if to say, Come on, man. You gotta do it. You gotta wear it. 

And the interaction was done. 

Two things went through my mind:

We all see serious issues and unsafe behaviors that need to be addressed—but we don’t always know how to start the conversation. We don’t want to make others mad or ruin a relationship, but daggone it, what’s happening is unsafe and someone should say something. 

A clear phrase like “I need to have a courageous conversation with you” gives everyone permission—a mechanism—to step in immediately when something is seriously affecting safety. 

Not wearing a vest is a huge safety issue. 

I don’t know if it worked.
I don’t know if the older cop started wearing his vest. 

But it was addressed. 

For people who want to make a difference but don’t like conflict, a phrase like “I need to have a courageous conversation with you” creates a doorway. It gives you a clear, acceptable, repeatable way to raise concerns. 

If I were a principal, I would adopt this in a heartbeat and I'd explain it upfront: 

What we’re really talking about here is shared language and shared language changes behavior. It improves safety and strengthens culture because it gives everyone an established way to speak up early when they see something that could hurt the team. 

Please consider implementing this shared language in your school (police department, family, or relationships) today and you’ll become immediately safer. 

“I need to have a courageous conversation with you.”