The Worst You've Seen

From the Course: Assess & Progress
Stopping Threats & Dangerous Students:

A student implodes. Tears, anger, total meltdown.
You come running, help them calm down, and ask what’s wrong.
When they finally tell you, you can’t help but think to yourself,
That’s it? That’s what you’re so upset about?
I’ve been through a lot worse. 

But trauma isn’t measured by the size of the event.
It’s measured by the size of the impact on a person’s heart and mind. 

For that student, what they’ve just experienced may be the worst thing they’ve ever faced. Their brain doesn’t compare it to your pain, realize yours is worse, and tell them to move on. It just knows pain. 

This matters, especially during student safety assessments.
Because the moment we dismiss a student’s distress as “not as serious as someone else’s pain,” we risk missing the real story and the full scope of the event. 

If we underestimate, we risk under-assessing. If we under-assess, our response may fall short. And when that happens, we leave the door open for things to spiral. 

In many cases of school attacks, those around the student underestimated the depth of their distress. They saw the surface—the anger, the attitude, maybe even a dramatic overreaction—and assumed it wasn’t serious. Or worse, they learned what was bothering the student and decided it wasn’t that serious. 

But for the student, the pain was real, consuming, and unresolved. 

I’m not saying we should coddle students or give in to irrational responses. But during a student safety assessment, your job isn’t to decide whether their pain is justified. Your job is to understand how they perceive the pain and how deeply it’s shaping their thoughts and behavior.

The truth is, this may be the worst thing they’ve ever seen—but not you.
You’ve seen far worse. But in that moment, it can’t be about you or me. 

If you can remember this, you’ll listen differently.
You’ll assess more carefully. And you’ll prevent more effectively.